Are Christmas songs bad for your mental health?

I think that the secret to enjoying Christmas is, like everything else in life, managing your expectations. I have modest expectations of the holiday season – I think the weather will probably be damp and grey, but I will eat some nice chocolates and enjoy the Gavin and Stacey Christmas special.

The only way to achieve this level of serenity is to pay no attention whatsoever to the words of Christmas songs because if you do, you’ll be heading for weeks of disappointment. First, there is the obsession with snow. If you live in the south of England you need to accept the fact that it is highly unlikely you will have a White Christmas. You can dream all you like. Sleigh Bells will not be ringing and the only Winter Wonderland you’ll be walking through is the one in Hyde Park. We really need to be more realistic about this, but, much as I like the Eurythmics, I can’t see their song Here Comes the Rain Again ever making it onto Christmas playlists. Accurate, yes, but not particularly festive.

Of course there are the usual songs about love at Christmas. Why are there so many songs about love anyway? I’d estimate that 80-90% of all pop songs are about love, although I’m too lazy to google it to find out the real number. Christmas certainly has its share, although admittedly they don’t all have happy endings. Chris Rea seems to be permanently driving home to his loved ones, but poor Elvis has lost his love and has nothing but a Blue Christmas to look forward to, which seems to include blue snowflakes, of all things. Wham will be far more careful about giving away its collective heart this year. And good old Mariah Carey, who might appear somewhat materialistic at first glance, has apparently been misrepresented and wants nothing else for Christmas but you.

Perhaps the most treacherous Christmas songs are the ones telling you how happy everyone should be. Andy Williams is the prime offender with his song It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year. He tells us over and over that it’s the ‘hap-happiest season of all’ and if that’s not pressure I don’t know what is. And John Lennon was blatantly lying when he said Happy Christmas (War is Over).  I suggest listening to The Fairytale of New York as a correction to all this, and it’ll make your own relationships seem quite healthy by comparison. As I said, manage your expectations. And have a reasonably pleasant Christmas.