The Yoga Challenge of Last Resort

There are those among us who are starting to panic – lockdown is easing and what do we have to show for it? Those Spanish conversation podcasts have been cast aside in favour of the BBC’s Friday Night Comedy and Fortunately with Fi and Jane. John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress sits, neglected and dusty, in the same place it has sat for many years. Why read that when I have just discovered an unread Barbara Pym novel on the shelf (Excellent Women, since you ask, and it was excellent). That old musty box of photos remains unsorted, but my jigsaw count has been impressive.

In short, not much has been accomplished. So, in a spirit of desperation I decided to take on the 30- Day Yoga Challenge fronted by the ubiquitous American guru known as Adriene. You cannot search for yoga anywhere on YouTube without her videos popping up. I had done yoga before, so I thought it would quickly come back to me and I’d be standing on my head in no time. Did I mention that it’s 20 years since I last did yoga?

The first thing I discover is that yoga is actually quite hard. Much harder than I remembered. Even sitting cross-legged is a challenge unless you’re a 6-year-old or a Buddhist monk. Then there are the tricky balances and the pretzel twists, which often have to be performed at the same time. Trying to stay upright with your left knee bent and your right leg out behind you balancing only on the curled toes of your right foot while at the same time praying to a sideways God is not going to end well. Adriene manages it all with charm and ease, and sometimes her delightful dog comes to join her as well. My cat also enjoys a bit of yoga practice and usually installs himself under my chest when I’m attempting a plank and am in imminent danger of collapsing on top of him. The downward cat is not a position I’m anxious to try. Jasper’s not too keen either.

The other problem is that I lack the equipment. I have no yoga mat, so I use an old sleeping bag mat, which is too long, too flat and keeps curling up at the ends. It’s also very slippery, which no doubt explains why I fall over so much. I have no block, so I use a big fat book instead (Thomas Pynchon’s Mason & Dixon; no, I haven’t read it). Spongy and flexible it isn’t. And my yoga outfits look like they’ve been retrieved from the charity clothes bag, which they have. Adriene would smile non-judgmentally and tell me these things didn’t matter, but I wouldn’t be convinced.

I’m now on Day 10 and starting to re-think my yoga commitment. I’m sure it would be easier just to pull out that box of mouldering photos and just sort the wretched things out. I could listen to those Spanish podcasts at the same time. I’m sure Adriene would understand.