The plane to nowhere

Most people I know don’t enjoy flying very much. What used to be considered a glamorous adventure has become a dreary slog in recent years, at least for those travelling in economy. The airport experience was particularly bad, involving long waits, searches, frisking and the passengers’ walk of shame through the metal detector – shoeless, coatless and beltless. It’s how I imagine inmates are admitted into prison, which is not really the sort of experience we’re hoping for when we excitedly book a trip to Istanbul. However (and it is a big however), this year has been a year like no other and I would cheerfully and excitedly undergo the ritual airport humiliation if a trip to Istanbul were in the offing.

One thing I really don’t miss is aeroplane food. Unless you’re travelling first class, it’s really just a means to an end, isn’t it? Which is why I was so surprised to learn that Singapore Airlines has turned two of its idle Airbus planes into pop-up restaurants and that all the bookings were sold out in 30 minutes. I suppose that novelty sells, but I think there was more to it than that. The airline was selling nostalgia to a population desperate to recapture the excitement of travel. They might not have got off the tarmac, but those diners (and I use the term loosely) were not just given mediocre meals served in plastic, but also the chance to re-live past adventures and to anticipate a future when the world is open to travel once again.

I wonder if British Airways is considering the same thing? I asked the question on Twitter, but didn’t get an answer. Maybe they thought it was too flippant, but surely it would provide an additional source of income at a time when money must be pretty tight, and it would give the travel-deprived a little taste (sorry, I really do hate puns) of what they were missing. If not, perhaps they need to consider other ways of making money. Maybe they could use their grounded planes for runway trips, giving passengers tours of the airports’ empty runways, describing points of interest along the way. Or maybe they could offer “a British Airways day out” including access to their club lounge, a tour of the runways, including on-board catering (such as it is), and then a visit to the control tower. Air traffic controllers probably don’t have a great deal to do these days and would welcome the distraction.

If all else fails, planes will have to be sold, but not necessarily for scrap. They lend themselves to all sorts of creative uses. Planes have been converted into restaurants, hotels, bars and homes. It would be great fun to live in a converted plane with a flight soundtrack running in the background, complete with engine noise and announcements from the captain. You’d never need to travel again.