Here we go again – I’ve been overcome by a fit of self-improvement. It’s what happens when I don’t have a trip to plan and my mind is looking for something else to occupy it. I’m on another of those endless and fruitless quests to improve my French. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy these phases enormously, but I don’t imagine that they’re of any long-term benefit. I also can’t remember the last time I went to France or any French-speaking country other than Canada, so I obviously have no desire to practise my limp French on any native speakers.
Although I studied French many years ago, my brain struggles to dredge up much from the sludge and even if it did, I don’t think it would help much. Language changes along with the times and current French is full of expressions that would have surprised my staid professors and they certainly baffle me. For instance, computers were in their infancy when I was learning French and as a result I have absolutely no IT vocabulary. Fortunately, quite a bit seems to be in English, giving us l’Internet, l’email, le pop-up and (confusingly) le chat, which I think should mean cat, but doesn’t.
It’s not just technology that brings new vocabulary into a language, slang changes all the time. I have recently discovered a French phenomenon called verlan, which takes a word and reverses either the syllables or the letters. Verlan itself is the backwards version of l’envers, which is the French word for backwards, if you’re still with me? This really is a step too far. I do my best to learn new words, but I can hardly be expected to learn backwards versions as well. I think it’s a trap to prevent any foreigner becoming properly fluent. In fairness, I don’t think that French people go around reversing all their words and I think that’s it’s a trend pretty much confined to young people, but still, English speakers feel self-conscious enough speaking French already without having to say cimer when they actually mean merci.
I really can’t complain though because YouTube is full of enthusiastic young French speakers who are keen to introduce us to the mysteries of their language. One of my favourites is Géraldine Lepère, who speaks very slowly and clearly, wears bright red lipstick and has souvenirs from Mexico’s Day of the Dead celebrations on the shelf behind her. I have discovered that she’s half Mexican and although she is currently telling us all about Toulouse, what I’d really like to know is whether she speaks Spanish and how often she travels to Mexico. I know that this is absolutely none of my business, so I try hard to concentrate on the joys of Toulouse and resist the urge to Google Géraldine’s doubtless fascinating life. Although maybe I could justify it if I did all my searching in French?