I was reading the newspaper a few days ago (I know – so quaint) and an article caught my eye. I fall upon anything that isn’t about the dire state of the economy, the corruption of our politicians or the bounciness of Kate Middleton’s hair, so I was intrigued to see a list of annoying things you shouldn’t say over the water cooler. I don’t know where these conversations actually do take place, if at all, or even if water coolers still exist. Maybe they’ve gone the way of fax machines. However, I do enjoy a silly list and kept reading.
The most hated office buzzword is, apparently, “holibobs.” Thankfully, I had never heard of holibobs and had to look it up. It means “holidays” and I apologise if you hadn’t heard of it either and are now sorry that you have. There’s even a holiday home in St Ives, Cornwall, called “Holibobs Cottage,” much to the outrage of the locals. The Cornish people feel they’ve suffered enough.
Moving swiftly on to number 2: “Teamwork makes the dream work.” Well, really. I can’t believe anyone would say such a thing and was forced to do extensive research among employed people to find out if they do. Essentially, I asked my children. They had both heard it used, but only ironically. I’ve now decided that I quite like it and am considering using it unironically in my everyday life. For instance, after I’ve spent an afternoon spring cleaning the garden and my long-suffering husband is eyeing the massive bag of twigs, leaves and weeds that I’ve produced, thinking that he’ll be the one who’s stuck taking it to the tip, I will say (cheerily) “Teamwork makes the dream work” and then he’ll willingly haul it into the car and be off. Motivating your staff is so important.
The list continues. There’s the usual gumpf about “going the extra mile and giving 110%,” which, according to my son, is management’s way of saying do more work than we pay you for. No list of annoying corporate jargon is complete without the old favourite “think outside the box,” but that one’s been around so long I think Moses was doing it when he decided that parting the Red Sea was the only way out of Egypt into the Promised Land.
I have decided that one of the joys of retirement is that you no longer have to concern yourself with such ridiculous expressions, motivational talks or (horror of horrors) mission statements. I no longer feel compelled to be passionate about anything other than a gin and tonic on a Friday night.
However, you’re not getting off that lightly and here’s the entire list:
- Holibobs
- Teamwork makes the dream work
- Giving 110%
- Happy Hump Day
- Happy Fri-Yay
- Touch base
- Nice to e-meet you
- Beer o’clock
- Go the extra mile
- Think outside the box
All annoying, pretentious and useless. You’re welcome.
I remember a female boss AC (after Clayton) offering my services temporarily to another manager saying she was sure I had the ‘bandwidth’. I had to ask a colleague what she was talking about. Yes, in other words, could I double my workload in the same working hours for no extra pay. Nearly 17 years ago – no, I’m not bitter at all! 😉🤣 🤣
The business world doesn’t change, does it?
When I read the title of your blog, I wondered who it was about and was relieved that I didn’t get a mention!! 🙂
I can promise that you are not any of those things!
So funny! Sheridan I think you helped me solve a clue in Friday’s New York Time Crossword Puzzle. The clue was dangling jewelry . E _ _ B_B . It’s got to be Earbob! if “bob” can replace “day” as in holiday… it can replace “ring ” as in earring! I think I’m going to start using the word “bob” randomly in conversation. I will tell people it’s a British thing!
I’m sure bob could replace many things. I’m just popping out for a bob. I’d love to stay, but the bobs need my attention. Bobs away!
Another brilliant blog, Sheridan. Love ‘em….please keep sending them!
‘Tis just as well you did give up the day job, as you certainly think outside the box & always give us the bigger picture!
But maybe on a small scale!