Someone once said that Christmas is a joke played on middle-aged women. I should probably follow my mother’s lead and claim to be middle-aged right into my 70s, but, although somewhat deluded, I tend to think of myself more realistically as being in the foothills of old age. I’ll let you know when I get to the sunlit uplands. Nevertheless, Christmas always seems to be a lot of work for women in general and whether we have ridiculous expectations of ourselves or have them imposed by others is a very interesting question that I would like to consider if I only had the time. I do really love Christmas, but there is an awful lot to do. For this reason, distractions are always welcome – the sillier the better – and I have found an unlikely source in the names of British road gritters. Yes, you did read that correctly.
You may remember that a few years ago the British people were foolishly asked to vote on a name for a polar research ship, with Boaty McBoatface the clear winner. What did they expect? This was sadly overruled by the sensible gang and the ship was named RRS Sir David Attenborough instead. I’m full of admiration for Sir David, but if you’re going to hold a vote, then I think you need to accept the results. (Something that a famous orange narcissist would do well to remember.) I suppose those in charge thought that Boaty McBoatface lacked the necessary gravitas and they also wisely guessed that no-one felt they could object to anything named after our national treasure. Those in charge did relent and call an autonomous underwater vehicle Boaty McBoatface, but I don’t even know what that is. A submarine? A torpedo? That’s all very well, but it’s not a polar research ship and the voice of the people was silenced.
Fortunately, we have been given another chance to indulge in national silliness and this time no-one is trying to silence us. It all started with a road safety campaign in Scotland when school children were asked to name road gritters. This has naturally spread (!) across the country and now everyone is getting in on the act. Road gritting is definitely a serious business and it’s also annoying if you’re stuck behind one, but it’s hard to be impatient with a vehicle called Gritney Spears or Gritty Gritty Bang Bang. They have peaked, in my view, with David Plowie and Gritsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Anti-Slip Machiney. An honourable mention should also go to Yes Sir, Ice Can Boogie.
On that note, I wish everyone a restful and indulgent Christmas, but, more than anything, just have some fun.
I hadn’t heard most of those names for the gritters. I particularly like ‘Gritsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Anti-Slip Machiney’. But there’s a special place in my heart for Yes Sir, Ice Can Boogie (for reasons that I can explain, although it’s not a short story).
Happy Christmas!
I’m intrigued – a music story that doesn’t involve Abba! Happy Christmas to you too.
What fun! The names are great. But what is a “road gritter” in Canadian? It’s not a snow plow obviously .It’s not a road grader because it has something to do with ice. It’s not a Zamboni …although the Yes Sir Ice Can Boogie would suit a Zamboni for sure. A salt/ sand truck is my final guess ? I am obviously not up to snuff in my road maintenance vocabulary.
have a relaxing and inspiring Christmas!!
You guessed right – a salt/sand truck it is. I should have included a translation for my North American friends. Maybe you should start a campaign to name Zambonis? I’ve always wanted to drive a Zamboni (a vehicle to resurface ice, for British readers), but with my eyesight it would only end in disaster! A lovely Christmas to you too.