Cauliflower is not the answer

I am entangled in a destructive relationship and I need to get out. Something called the Oddbox is trying to take over my life. For those of you fortunate enough never to have encountered this manipulative little item, it is a weekly delivery of fruit and veg that are so unusual or misshapen that no-one else wants them and so you are guilted into giving them a home. But that’s not enough, they won’t sit quietly in the corner once they’ve gained entry into your house. Oh no, they require heaps of care and attention. They’re not just there to be eaten, they must be cooked in new and imaginative ways, ways that never occurred to you before because they require a lot of effort for precious little return.

Last week I spent an entire day turning unwanted parsnips and carrots into soup, making a long and complicated dhal because I didn’t know what else to do with the unloved cauliflower wilting in the fridge, as well as freezing a whole bag of spinach because it was drooping before my eyes. The soup was fine, although not a flavour I would necessarily have chosen. The dhal, despite the perfect combination of garlic, onions, ginger, cumin seeds, black mustard seeds, tomatoes and lentils, wasn’t a success because I really don’t like cauliflower and its nasty sulphury flavour had tainted everything. The spinach stares at me accusingly every time I open the freezer door. This relationship really isn’t working.

The root of all this (truly no pun intended) is environmental guilt. I worry that as a society we waste so much food, but I’m starting to realise that I can’t resolve the climate crisis simply by forcing myself to eat cauliflower dhal. The problem might well be bigger than that.

I’ve been through all this before. We had an Oddbox subscription a few years ago and exactly the same thing happened: we were stuck with a bizarre selection of produce that required endless prep and cooking time, and even then the results weren’t always that edible. Some people say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results.

It’s time to take a stand. I’m not putting up with it any more. I won’t be bullied by wonky veg. I’m going to banish that Oddbox from my life. Although what I’m going to do with a freezer full of cauliflower dhal I don’t know.