When it comes to wasting time, scrolling through the internet is for amateurs. There are far more interesting and creative ways to keep yourself occupied instead of cleaning the kitchen floor or sorting out your finances. In fact, I feel quite proud of my ability to find absorbing activities that enable me to avoid proper work. I have also come to the conclusion that those stolen minutes (okay, let’s be honest, hours) are sweeter than any others. There’s something deliciously decadent about dodging your obligations – it’s a bit like bunking off school.
For example, I have discovered the shallow joy of emojis. I used to think they were childish frippery and I now have no doubt, but that’s what makes them so charming. I think it was a visit to Japan, a place in thrall to all things cute and childish, that helped to change my mind. Being bombarded with Hello Kitty on a daily basis affects your brain after a while and I came home thinking that emojis weren’t so bad after all. So now I spend more time choosing the appropriate emoji than actually writing my message. I have no doubt that it’s time well spent.
Then of course there’s Taylor Swift. We cannot escape her – she’s everything, everywhere, all at once. Not that I particularly want to escape her, she seems to be a force for good and her fans adore her. The only problem is that I feel left out because the only song of hers I know is Shake It Off. So, I have been obliged to spend hours listening to her music to see if I recognise anything else. I don’t, but for some reason Fearless is stuck on a loop on our Spotify account and although I now recognise it, I never want to hear it again. I think I’m probably the wrong age group to be a Swiftie anyway. Although I’m quite a fan of Harry Styles. Apparently his superfans are called “Harries”. Really, that’s so unimaginative. I’d rather be a Stylist…
After I’ve exhausted the joys of emojis and Taylor Swift’s music, I crave a little bit of intellectual stimulation, so I turn gratefully to my books. The problem here is that I still have an awful lot I haven’t read and some time ago I made a resolution not to buy any more books until I had read all the ones I own. That lasted about a week. However, it provided me with a wonderfully pointless activity: I listed every unread book I have in alphabetical order by author, complete with a rating from 1 to 5 of how much I actually want to read it. Some of them rate only 1 and I’m not sure why I own them in the first place. Will I ever read The Adventures of Tom Sawyer ? It’s unlikely. Although I did just read the final book in Arnold Bennett’s Clayhanger trilogy and proudly inserted a tick √ next to it. Sometimes I think I retired too early.