Lurking near the Brut aftershave

All those guides to retirement say that life is cheaper once you retire, but I have my doubts. It might be the case if you ended up spending lots of money on commuting, smart work outfits and oatmilk lattes, but none of that applies if you work from home, which I did. Retirement can turn out to be very expensive by comparison. A sense of “If not now, then when?” can creep over you, potentially leading to expensive long-distance travel, trips to the theatre and gourmet meals. That is why savings sometimes need to be made and inexpensive pastimes found.

I have already spoken about the joys of attending television recordings, which are always free in the UK, but after a while the novelty wears off. It’s so much easier just to watch your favourite programmes at home if the alternative is schlepping off to some distant recording studio, waiting in a very long, very slow-moving line and eventually being told that there are no seats left. Staying at home is always the easy option, but I admit that easy isn’t always the best option.

My latest wheeze is attending travel industry events, which are also free. We managed to bag invitations to an evening promoting the American south and were treated to fabulous cocktails, plates of canapés, interesting speakers, followed by a live band and dancing. All for the price of a train ticket. Next we got complimentary tickets to a travel show, which was great fun, but sadly no free refreshments were on offer, only more canvas tote bags to add to our already impressive collection.

On Thursday night we went to another travel company event, this time to launch a range of North American trips, but it was a little underwhelming. Admittedly, they were handing out all the prosecco, wine and beer you could drink, along with exquisite canapés. The evening also included free admission to the Elvis exhibition that’s just opened in the Arches at London Bridge. By coincidence we were in Graceland just a couple of months ago (I know, get me!), so it wasn’t the perk it might have been. Although guests were offered the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to have a photo taken holding Elvis’ belt. I couldn’t see the appeal myself, but was definitely in the minority. Maybe people were just passing the time until more food arrived.

Did I mention that the canapés were delicious? So, we shamelessly scoped out the best place to stand in order to intercept the servers walking by with full trays. This happened to be next to the glass case exhibiting Elvis’ very own bottles of Brut and Hai Karate aftershave, which were as evocative of that era as the classic cars on display. This was a pretty successful plan, but we did start to look a little needy after a while, so took our canvas tote bag (from pure politeness) and went home.

By the time we’d added up the cost of train fares and the time spent beforehand in a tapas bar (we were early, what else could we do?) our free evening turned out to be quite expensive. However, I do have another tote bag to add to the collection, so all is not lost.

I think the answer is to find budget entertainment within walking distance. The Lions Club is organising a duck race on the Kennet and Avon Canal this afternoon starting from the Lock Stock & Barrel pub. A thousand plastic ducks will battle it out to reach the finish line first and it’s only £1 to sponsor a duck. Sounds perfect as long as we stay out of the pub.