Last week I was considering whether we could – or should – admit defeat and stop trying to keep up with our constantly changing world, but this week I’m starting to wonder instead if I might just be a millennial in disguise. I’m always open to new possibilities, although this certainly wouldn’t have occurred to me if I hadn’t been reading a very tongue-in-cheek article about how to tell if a millennial is having a mid-life crisis. As I read, it dawned on me that I’m showing an awful lot of millennial tendencies.
According to an article in the i newspaper written by Charlotte Lytton, if a millennial is showing any of the following symptoms then apparently there’s cause for concern:
- Drinking cow’s milk;
- Making phone calls;
- Using a plastic water bottle;
- Talking like a normal person;
- Going on holiday without posting it online.
The good news is that if I were a millennial I wouldn’t be having a midlife crisis. But what does it mean if you’re a (debatably) mature person who is showing all the signs of being a well-adjusted millennial? I don’t drink cows’ milk – it’s oat all the way for me. I don’t particularly enjoy phone calls and will send countless involved texts full of emojis and exclamation marks rather than actually talk to someone. I take my own drinking bottle with me when I go out and would collapse from dehydration rather than buy water in a plastic bottle if I’d forgotten my own.
The area where I fail spectacularly as a millennial wannabe is the way I speak. I don’t share “my truth” with people because I think truth is absolute and not open to interpretation. I don’t mention adulting, largely because when you’re in the middle of something you don’t really notice it. I don’t talk about IRL because I don’t understand what an unreal life is. As far as I can see, books, films and games are pretend, as well as most of Instagram, while meeting a friend for coffee, going for a walk along the canal and paying your water bill are all real life. I say “to be honest” instead of “I won’t lie” and I very quaintly say “gosh” rather than “my days”. I never pivot, I always change. If necessary.
I am back to my millennial ways when I go on holiday because I always post photos online, although it’s pretty much the only time I do. However, I’m not a fan of selfies – I’ve seen quite enough of myself over the years. I take photos of where I am rather than me in front of where I am. So, I think I might be letting the side down here.
It turns out that you can keep up with the times with very little effort by simply going about your daily life. But I worry about all those poor crisis-ridden millennials. Therapy is so expensive. Perhaps they can distract themselves instead with a side hustle like selling unwanted clothes on Vinted or Depop. Having a good clear-out is so therapeutic and the money earned will help finance that oat milk habit.
I can’t stand “oh my days”. Where did it come from!? According to the OED “The exclamation of surprise, disbelief, or excitement oh my days, is first recorded in 1895, and my days (in ‘Law, my days!’) in 1841, but it remained relatively rare until the twenty-first century. Although its recent revival in popularity—especially associated with its use in Multicultural London English—is sometimes said to have its origins in Caribbean usage, conclusive evidence for Caribbean roots for this resurgence has proved hard to find.” But I just don’t believe it.
I’m definitely with you on the plastic water bottle front, but I suspect I fail on all the other millennial signs.
Egads!
L.