Although friends are very welcome to come and visit us, I’m thinking that when word gets out about how we entertain them, they might not be so keen. We love to see our friends and to show them around our newly adopted town. Newbury doesn’t disappoint: the canal is beautiful, the pubs are welcoming and the market is fun. Listening to the band playing in the park on a Sunday afternoon is a nostalgic pleasure. I think the problem might lie with us.
Some lovely and forbearing friends came to spend last weekend with us and looking back on it, I suspect that they were relieved to go home. I think the food was probably acceptable, the sheets were clean and the activities on offer sufficiently diverting, but the conversation was not all it might have been. The topics ranged from the quirks of departed relatives to the trials of jury service, and from the best way to test batteries to whether the Bayeux Tapestry is merely masquerading as a tapestry or is, in fact, something else.
The quirks of relatives, departed or all too present, would fill countless books and have no doubt inspired authors and artists through the ages. Jury service has also been the basis of many riveting dramas, but battery testing? This all relates back to the first topic because I am clearing out my mother’s apartment and we find ourselves with more batteries than we know what to do with. Naturally, we try and thrust these into the hands of unsuspecting guests, who, not unreasonably, demand to know whether they’re still working. Out comes the battery tester, which is much admired by everyone. Really. With all due modesty, I have to say that it’s a very superior battery tester, which is so efficient, well designed and hard-wearing that they stopped making it years ago in order to replace it with flimsy, useless models that break within months.
Having exhausted the joys of batteries, we moved on to the Bayeux Tapestry, which, it turns out, isn’t a tapestry at all. In case you’re wondering, tapestries are, by definition, woven and the so-called Bayeux Tapestry is, in fact, embroidered. As is the 19th century copy in Reading Museum. At this point, it was suggested that we go to the park to listen to the band play, no doubt to avoid whatever bizarre conversational topic might come up next. Are bananas too curvy for their own good? Could you really live in a pineapple under the sea?
Our friends left (hastily) with a bag of goodies, which contained not only working batteries, but also tissues, ziplock bags, baking parchment and clothes hangers. Visitors might be forced to take part in some unexpected conversations, but I have no doubt the goody bags are worth it. Although we did check to make sure the superior battery tester hadn’t been slipped into the bag on the sly. We love our friends, but you can’t be too careful.
Wow! The trial and tribulations of cleaning out places that our beloved ratlines have left. My housemate’s mother just moved to a personal care home and in the last couple of days our household helped her to cart stuff away. 15 Meticulously noted family albums! Every single picture with who was in it when it was taken etc. Beware the future of all those photos you have been taking all your life. Your children are going to look briefly at them and then throw most of them out. Good thing we’ve gone digital. Now our memories can be saved on a CD and packed away somewhere in the archives. At least it won’t weigh a thousand pounds! I ended up coming away with a small box of sewing pins (which I spilled all over the inside of my purse) and nice garbage can. Alas, no batteries!
Ratlines?! I’ve never heard relatives called that before! We have the opposite problem: fascinating old photos full of unknown people who may or may not be family members.
We had a lovely time and were very sorry to leave. The conversations were definitely a bit random, weren’t they! We’ll be trying your delicious recipes very soon. 🍆🍅🫒 👍😊
I have to admit that I do love a random conversation. It was great fun.
Don’t panic, we too have a superior battery tester, inherited from Robert’s father, along with his battery collection. Bizarrely, most of the batteries we acquired were flat, despite him owning a superior battery tester. Looking forward to our next visit with anticipation of unexpected conversations!
Now I know they’re such desirable objects, I’ll make a codicil for my will and leave it to the most deserving person. I can’t decide whether it’s sad or funny that the only really desirable item I own is a battery tester.